Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
