I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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