I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
