Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize