Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
