OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
