If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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