WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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