he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
