ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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