8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
