What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
