why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
