I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
