The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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