my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
