i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
