I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
