I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
