He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
