I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
