I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
