I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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