I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
