Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
