So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
