Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
