I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
