yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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