saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize