Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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