so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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