That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont even know how to be here
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize