I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
