Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
