I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
