I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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