I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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