Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
