I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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