FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
