If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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