doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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