and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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