So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
