you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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