Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He felt like a one man threesome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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