We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
