I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
