Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
