Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
