After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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