also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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