I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
