Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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