I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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