I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
