Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How's work?
Spinning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
