I just saw a hot homeless man
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
