Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
