Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
