yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
