I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
