And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
