Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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