How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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