The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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