Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
