Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize