I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
