In the future we'll all be gay
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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